How to be a calm mom is a question that I’ve been asked many times. We’ve all had mom anxiety in our lifetime. Sometimes it’s inevitable, but over the past two years, I’ve learned how to be a more calm, present, and happier mom. Motherhood can be a scary thing when you first experience it. The hospitals don’t give you a manual to take home once the baby is born, and you’re forced to know everything there is about parenthood.
When it comes right down to it, the experience of motherhood is downright different for every mom.
When I was pregnant with my son I knew I wanted to be a calm mom. Not a helicopter mom who is constantly worrying and hovering over their child, and not the mom who is overly hyper and over-stimulated their child. I’m lucky enough to have been around a lot of parents throughout my life to see what I did and didn’t want.
I always knew I wanted to be a calm mom. I’m just like any other mom that wants to keep their child happy, safe, loved, and protected, but I also wanted to enjoy everything that motherhood has to offer.
As a mother, I always try to be calm and allow myself to relish all the beauty of being a mom, even when it can be so freaking hard. Because being a mother is just one of my titles, and I never want it to take over my life or seem ungrateful for this amazing opportunity. I also never want to constantly feel as if my child is stressing me out because for me that wouldn’t allow me to enjoy motherhood.
If you’re a new mom or you’ve been a mom for a while, and you want some advice on how to be a calm mom, you’ve come to the right place.
I’ve compiled my guide on how to be a more calm mom. I hope that you can take whatever it is you need from my post to help you become a more calm mom.
1. How to be a Calm Mom? Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
It’s hard not to compare sometimes, especially if you’re a new mother. You are constantly looking at these perfect Instagram and mommy bloggers and wondering what you can do differently.
Always remember that what you see on social media isn’t always the truth. A lot of Instagram and mommy bloggers only want to show you the good parts of their day-to-day life. Every mom struggles and has their good and bad days, no matter what you see on the internet.
And then there are our mommy friends, who we almost always have to compare ourselves to. Always remember that every family is unique. Just because one person is doing something, that doesn’t mean you HAVE to as well. What may work for my family, might not work for someone else’s. The more you start comparing the less you start enjoying in your own life.
When you compare your child to someone else’s, or your mothering skills to someone else’s, you’re taking away from that present moment.
You are unique as a mother and you should never want to be someone who you are not. Your child will love you no matter what, as long as you are a present, calm, and happy mother to them.
2. Want to be a Calm Mom? Don’t Follow Everyone’s Advice
As a new mother, I got countless pieces of advice from so many different people, and to be honest it was very annoying in the beginning. You have so many people telling you what to do as if you can’t figure it out on your own.
In Indian culture, it’s common to hear unsolicited advice from every single person in your life, even people you’re not particularly close with. In-laws, cousins, aunts and uncles, people I barely even knew always had something to say or a piece of advice that I didn’t ask for.
My advice for you is if you don’t care to hear their advice you can say
“Thank you for your advice, but I will choose to do this my way”
or even
“I understand that you’re trying to help, but I can handle this myself, If I need help or advice I will let you know.”
It’s funny because a lot of the unsolicited advice-givers were people in my own generation who thought they knew everything and anything about being a mother. It was like every little thing they saw me do, they had to give their two cents, I hated that!
Being a mother is trial-and-error. Don’t listen to every single person’s advice because it’s only going to make you go crazy and have so many different thoughts in your head.
3. How to be a Calm Mom? Take Your Baby Out and About Early
My husband and I took Milan out on St. Patrick’s day when he was 3 weeks old. We took him everywhere with us. He went to restaurants, hockey games, reception parties, you name it.
I wanted to get him familiar with all of his surroundings at a young age so that he got used to being out and about. I’ve seen so many parents afraid of taking their child out and staying cooped up inside the house for months. When the time comes for them to take their child out for the first time, they aren’t used to their surroundings and may become super fussy. Trust me, I’ve seen this happen many times.
I think one of the best things my husband and I did was introduce different social settings to Milan, and I know that this definitely helped me become a calmer mom. Because he was so used to being in different social settings, he was always a happy and calm baby, which in turn helped me be calmer.
So far he is very good whenever we take him out anywhere. We still continue to take him out and allow him to explore the world around him.
4. Want to be a Calm Mom? Don’t be a Helicopter Parent
What’s a helicopter parent you might ask? A helicopter parent is always the one that is constantly hovering over their child so they don’t get hurt. They are the moms that pay extremely close attention to their child’s experiences and problems and don’t allow them to experience things on their own.
Helicopter moms definitely are not calm moms, as they are overseeing every aspect of their child’s life constantly.
I’m not saying don’t pay attention to your child or allow them to roam around and do whatever they want. Allow your child to explore, touch things (as long as they are doing so gently), let them crawl on the grass, let them play outside in the dirt. Don’t think the worst and hover over them constantly.
Your child will get so used to the fact that mom is always around that once you stop it’ll be harder for him/her to let go.
5. How to be a Calm Mom? Allow Sleepovers with Friends/Family Who You Feel Comfortable With
The first time Milan had his overnight sleepover was when he was 2 months old, which was on my 30th birthday. My husband threw me an amazing birthday and for obvious reasons we didn’t bring Milan. Of course, I felt sad leaving him overnight, but I also felt a sense of freedom. I was so grateful that I was able to have this opportunity to celebrate my birthday with all of my family and friends. I knew my son was in great hands.
We continued to allow him to sleep at his grandparents’ house often, and he has had no problems at all when we leave him. He doesn’t even say bye to us because he is so happy being with them (honestly it makes me so happy that he adores his family so much).
It doesn’t matter where we leave him (my parents, my husbands parents, my siblings), he is always comfortable and happy.
This has been so amazing for my husband and me because it’s allowed us to spend time with each other, go on dates, or even have the time to hang out with friends without the kids (cuz hey, you need that once in a while).
Having time to yourself as a mother is so important. Life is all about balance. Kids are freaking hard work and I feel like we all need a break sometimes. I think that allowing Milan to have his own quality time with grandparents, aunts, and uncles, has really helped me become with a calmer mom. I have had many opportunities in the past two years where I was able to drop Milan off and have some me time.
6. Want to be a Calm Mom? Don’t Underestimate What Your Partner Can Do
how to be a calm mom means having faith that your partner will do a great job with your child, even if you’re not there. I have seen some moms who literally don’t trust their husband/partner, but have never given them a chance to be on their own with their child. It’s disheartening to see this, because I think that it’s the dad’s job to be a parent just as much as the mom.
I never had a problem leaving my son with my husband who had zero experience with children. He didn’t even know how to change a diaper when Milan was born, but he learned and he is the best damn diaper changer in the world.
I have been around children my entire life and helped raise my little cousins who lived within my late teens. I’ve had a lot of experience with children.
I knew my husband was going to be the most magnificent father in the world, and have always allowed him to be that father without stepping in trying to fix the way he does things.
Don’t be that mom who doesn’t trust their husband/partner. Let them experience this moment and learn as this is new to them as well.
7. Practice Patience if you Want to be a Calm Mom
I’ve caught myself losing patience. It’s not easy parenting a two-year-old who has tantrums, throws things, and doesn’t listen at times.
As parents, we have to remember that they do not have the capacity to comprehend what we think is bad behavior. They are still learning and it can be tough for them to have self-control at this age.
I always try to remind myself this when I feel like I’m losing my patience. I keep a calm voice and talk to him gently if he’s doing something wrong, and honestly, it really works.
We always tend to call it the terrible two’s but keep in mind that the reason toddlers act up, is that most likely they’re trying to communicate something that they aren’t able to.
Being a toddler can be just as frustrating as being a mother to a toddler. They are constantly being told what to do, and it’s information overload for these little people.
If Milan is having a tantrum or I find that he is getting on my nerves a little, I take a deep breath and count to three. I almost always try to talk to him in a calm manner so that it doesn’t trigger his emotions even more.
I am currently taking an Early Childhood Education program and something I’ve learned is the way you speak to your children, especially in times of distress if extremely important. So give them a break and try to practice patience as much as you can.
I always tell myself this too shall pass…
8. Give Yourself a Breather if You Want to be a Calm Mom
I always make sure that I take the time out to do me. Whether I’m hanging out with friends, going to the theatre to watch a movie, or just spending quality time with myself. It’s so important to have that time to yourself to catch up with friends, your partner, and even yourself without the kids.
In order to enjoy life, you need balance. It’s hard to constantly be a mom and never having that break. We need to make sure that we don’t let parenthood rule our life.
Yes, our children are our responsibility but so is our mental health. I’m grateful that my husband can watch Milan while I go out and do things that make me happy such as meeting up with friends, getting my nails done, or even just going shopping by myself.
I am also grateful for my family who is always down to spend time with Milan. I am very fortunate that I have a lot of amazing people around me that can help me out when I need it.
9. Start Meditating if You Want to be a Calm Mom
I can’t tell you how much meditating has helped me become a calmer mom. My mom had been telling me for years to start practicing meditation. I only finally started doing it recently, and oh my goodness, the benefits are AMAZING!
It has made such a big difference in the way I handle situations and the way that I think.
Meditation helps you practice mindfulness and helps with stress, anxiety, sleep, focus, fitness and so much more. There are so many benefits to it, and as a mom, I think that you should totally take advantage of meditation.
When I first started, I started out with 5 minutes and gradually worked my way up. I love listening to YouTube videos to help guide my practice such as this one I found on YouTube. There are so many options on YouTube so make sure to check them out and see which one is best for you.
10. How to be a Calm Mom? Move Your Body
Did you know that exercise helps relieve stress? If you’re like me then you know that the hardest part of a workout is actually starting. But the feeling that you feel right after a kickass workout is the best feeling in the world.
If I am ever feeling extremely stressed out I always distress by doing a killer workout in our home gym. Running for me is therapeutic so I always go for a 30 min run to calm myself down.
Research has proven that regular participation in aerobic exercises has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension, elevate and stabilize mood, and also improve sleep, and improve self-esteem.
So do yourself a favor and try to exercise at least once a day, even if it means going for a walk around the block.
11. Stop Overthinking if you Want to be a Calm Mom
This is something that took me a while to overcome. Is my kid meeting their milestones? Why is so and so’s child doing this and mine hasn’t? These are constant questions that are always playing in our heads and honestly, it’s freaking draining.
I am going to be honest, I’m totally guilty of doing this. The constant thoughts lingered in my mind 24/7. It became too much to the point where I would become depressed and all of my attention was spent googling random things. This time could have been spent with my son or doing something productive or positive for my mental health.
I know there are so many moms that do this, but take my advice and put an end to the constant overthinking. It takes away from enjoying your child at the present moment. Please remember that children go through developmental stages at different times of their life, and no child is the same. Your son or daughter will do things at the exact same rate as another child.
Milan didn’t start walking until he was just about 18 months. He’s almost two and is not saying full sentences, but has picked up many words in the last couple of months. I’m not worried as I know that he is a bright boy, and he will learn his milestones at his own pace.
Enjoy your babe and all of the amazing things he/she does. Take it all in because you will never have these moments with them again.
To all you mamas out there, you are amazing and you’re doing a great job.
If being a calm mom is something that you thrive to be, I hope that my post has given you some tips on how to do so. Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the entire world. And although many people have said I’m a pretty calm mom, it doesn’t take away the fact that I find motherhood hard sometimes.
Motherhood ain’t no walk in the park, but I’ve managed to find ways to stay calm, cool, and collective.
I also find motherhood one of the most beautiful experiences in the whole world. It’s been a blessing to be a mommy to the most amazing boy. I feel that the calmer I am, the more I am able to enjoy him and all of the beautiful moments together. 
Do you have any tips on how to be a calmer mom? Comment below.